Emotional Rollercoaster After a BDSM Session: A Short Guide to Managing Drop

In my work as a professional dominatrix, I meet many newcomers to the kinky world, and I’ve noticed that for many, drop is an unfamiliar concept. I have become familiar with different types of drop through both my work and my personal sessions. While I personally have rarely experienced drop after bottoming, the situation was the complete opposite when I was dominating from the very beginning.

One of the most important and difficult things I’ve had to learn in order to do my job as a professional dominatrix and enjoy sessions in my free time is how to minimize top drop after sessions. This blog was born out of these experiences, as well as discussions with play partners, friends, clients, and colleagues.

What is Drop?

Drop (or dropping) is a commonly used term in the kink world to describe a possible negative emotional state or physical symptoms following a BDSM or fetish session. You may have heard of 'subdrop' and 'domdrop' (sometimes also referred to as 'bottomdrop' and 'topdrop'). In this post, I will discuss drop in a general sense rather than from just one role’s perspective.

These post-session feelings may include sadness, fatigue, self-blame, or mood swings from euphoria to misery. While not everyone experiences negative aftereffects, every kinky person should be aware of the potential symptoms and their causes to ensure they can provide themselves and their partners with the necessary care and aftercare to mitigate drop effects.

What Causes Drop?

Drop can be caused by several factors:

1. Physical and Emotional Intensity: Kinky play can be physically and emotionally intense. The body releases pleasure-inducing hormones during play, but when the session ends, the sudden drop in these chemicals can lead to mood changes.

2. Connection: Sessions often involve a strong emotional and physical connection between participants. When this connection is severed, it can trigger feelings of sadness or loss.

3. Vulnerability: Submissives, in particular, may experience heightened vulnerability during a session (though this is not limited to submissives). When the session ends, it can lead to feelings of exposure or emptiness.

4. Physical Stress: Some activities can be physically demanding, leading to muscle fatigue, soreness, or other discomfort after the session, which can, in turn, affect mood.

5. Release of Tension: Sessions are often planned, anticipated, and prepared for over a long period. The end of this anticipation can bring up unexpected emotions, regardless of how well the session went.

6. Other Psychological Factors: Personal backgrounds, past trauma experiences, societal stigma around kink, and other psychological factors can influence how individuals react after a session.

   
   

Tips for Preventing and Managing Drop

While completely preventing drop isn’t always possible, these strategies can help reduce the likelihood and severity of its physical and emotional effects:

1. Good Communication: Open and honest discussions with play partners are crucial. Talk about boundaries, expectations, and aftercare needs before the session. If you are still learning to negotiate or don’t fully understand your own boundaries and needs, communicate that as well.

2. Negotiation and Planning: Carefully plan and negotiate sessions together, especially in the early stages of play relationships. It’s important that everyone is on the same page regarding the session’s intensity, even if the exact course of the session remains a surprise. Intense, rough, or new activities should be planned in advance. Be prepared to adjust plans if needed due to factors like lack of sleep or physical discomfort. In addition to discussing key aspects, writing them down can be helpful.

3. Gradual Decompression: Ending a session gradually rather than abruptly can help prevent drop. This allows participants to transition smoothly out of the intense experience.

4. Consent and Boundaries: Even when everyone does their best to respect their own and their play partners’ boundaries and needs, things can still go wrong. If a boundary is crossed, a consent error occurs, or consent is violated, it’s important to address it with your play partner and discuss what happened. Even small issues should be talked about to prevent them from becoming bigger problems or long-term sources of distress.

5. Aftercare: Allocate time and space for aftercare if needed. Individual needs vary, but aftercare can include talking with a play partner, physical closeness, or spending time alone engaging in comforting activities or exercise.

6. Self-Care: Give yourself time to rest, relax, and process your thoughts after a session. This can aid in emotional processing and speed up physical recovery. Self-reflection and alone time can also be taken a few days after the session.

7. Food and Hydration: Dehydration and low energy levels increase physical and emotional exhaustion. Make sure to stay hydrated and eat enough before and after the session. For me, this is the most important and effective way to prevent drop and recover from sessions. However, remembering to eat can still be easy to forget when your brain is on overdrive after a session.

8. Awareness: Pay attention to your emotions and physical state during and after a session. Learn to recognize your own feelings and needs, but be prepared for the fact that this takes years. Also, learn to act in ways that support your well-being. As your awareness grows, don’t be too hard on yourself if you sometimes make choices that result in drop.

9. Seek Support: If you experience frequent or prolonged severe drop despite preparation, consider seeking professional help from short-term therapy or a professional familiar with BDSM and kink-related issues. It may also be necessary to reduce the intensity of sessions, change session content, or even take a temporary break from play.

I hope this blog was helpful and thought-provoking. I’d love to hear about your experiences on this topic via Instagram, Twitter, or email, as this blog is just scratching the surface of these subjects. I will pick topics for future writings based on discussions.