A Dominatrix for Passion or Payment?

I received an email asking, "I would like an honest answer from you: are you genuinely interested in my needs, or is it just about the money?" Every colleague of mine has surely received this question in one form or another, so I decided to take my time answering it. This question emerges especially in the erotic industry, but also in other professions where the practitioner has created their work through a hobby or where there are many amateurs alongside professionals, such as photography or blogging.

I want to create meaningful relationships that last for years. So yes, I am genuinely interested in your needs. But also yes, this is a client relationship. I don't, for example, do free sessions or go for free kinky coffee dates, no matter how wonderful the client might be or how much they might need it.

Currently, my work as a dominatrix is my primary source of income. My engineering work, which was previously my main profession, is now just a small part of my working hours – more of a side hobby. Working as a professional dominatrix, essentially as an entrepreneur, has allowed me to study more and continue enjoying this other passion of mine, technology. Interestingly, as an engineer, I have never once been asked whether I do it for money or love.

However, my interest in domination isn't purely professional. I was kinky long before I started working as a dominatrix, and I will probably continue to explore kink for a long time, even if I someday decide to stop this work. I engage in kink almost daily, at least in my fantasies, outside of work as well. Even during busy times, I try to arrange time at least once a month – preferably more often – for my own free-time sessions.

When it comes to our meetings, I don't prioritize my own needs but focus on yours. Fortunately, in this work I also get to express myself and fulfill my own desires, within your boundaries. I also take care of my own boundaries and don't do sessions that don't excite me at all, nor do I do things I'm not skilled at. That wouldn't be respecting your needs. Luckily, in most cases, I can recommend a good colleague if you wish for something I don't do myself. I'm generally kinky and love domination, so I very rarely decline sessions.

I recognize I'm privileged because I can choose my clients. This option to choose isn't self-evident for all my colleagues. Every professional in the erotic field has the full right to do their work purely for livelihood, without needing to feel special passion in every session. Just like in any other profession, you don't need to be excited or feel empowered by your work every day – it's still completely valuable and honorable work. My current situation enables freedom of choice, but that doesn't make me in any way a better service provider than my colleagues who have to work from different starting points.

Our meetings take priority in my calendar. I might sometimes reschedule my personal sessions if I'm not feeling energetic in the morning. I don't reschedule client meetings unless I'm sick or there's a truly exceptional situation. And even then, if I have to reschedule a session, I try to arrange my other appointments so that I can book a new session as soon as possible. I also reserve time in my calendar for rest before our meeting, so I'm in the best possible shape on the workday. If only I could rest as well before my days off!

Although I work with passion and dedication, it's important to understand the boundaries of our relationship. I understand well that I can be a lot for you – intimate, brave, and present – but I am not your partner or your kinky girlfriend. I can offer unique and intensive experiences, but I'm not part of your everyday life or involved in all aspects of your life.

Professionalism and passion don't exclude each other – on the contrary, at their best, they feed each other. This balance enables me to be genuinely interested in your needs while doing my work professionally. Perhaps that's exactly why I'm in this work: it gives me the opportunity to combine both.

Photographer: Photos of Pasi